Popraw sobie humor. Doładuj się na świeta!

Mąż pyta żonę:
- Skąd wracasz?
- Z salonu piękności.
- I co było zamknięte?
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Dzisiaj rano jechałem jak zwykle do pracy Trasa Łazienkowska.
Przede mną, lewym pasem nowiusieńkim BMW jechała blondynka... Przy prędkości 130 km/h.... siedziała z twarzą tuż przy lusterku i... malowała sobie rzęsy.
Ledwie na moment odwróciłem głowę, a kiedy spojrzałem znowu na BMW oczywiście okazało się, że blondynka (wciąż zajęta makijażem!!!)już jest połowa auta na moim pasie!
I chociaż jestem naprawdę twardym facetem, to tak się
przestraszyłem,że i golarka i kanapka wypadły mi z rąk.
>>> > Kiedy próbowałem kolanami opanować kierownice tak, aby wrócić na swój pas ruchu komórka wyleciała mi akurat prosto do kubka z gorącą kawą, który trzymałem między moja męskość, zrujnowała mój telefon i przerwała bardzo ważną rozmowę!!!
Jak ja k...wa nienawidzę kobiet za kierownicą.....

> IDIOT OF THE DAY
>
>
> Number One Idiot of 2006
>
> I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
>poison control center. Today, this woman called in
>very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
>daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
>
>Heres your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
>
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>Number Two Idiot of 2006
>
>Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it
>out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.
>it turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer
>employed at Boeing.
>
>Heres your sign, guys. Dont get it wet; the paint might run.
>
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>Number Three Idiot of 2006
>
>A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the
>BBranch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."while standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the tellers window. So he left the Bank
>of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank.
>
>After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. S he read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasnt the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could
>not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he
>was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
>
>Dont bother with this guys sign. He probably couldnt read it anyway.
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>Number Four Idiot of 2006
>
>A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
>measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
>Several days later, he received a letter from the police that cont ained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in
>his $40.
>
> Smartass... but you still get a sign
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>Number Five Idiot of 2006
>
>A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I dont believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didnt believe him. At this point, the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
>The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that she got off the license.
>They arrested the robbertwo hours later.
>
>This guy definitely needs a sign.
>
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>Idiot Number Six of 2006
>
>A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
>revolvers.
>The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
>
>This guy doesnt even deserve a sign
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>Idiot Number Seven of 2006
>
>Arkansas : Seems this guy wanted some pretty badly. He decided that hed just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him
>unconscious.
>
>It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
>Yep, heres your sign
>
> (Please note that all of the above people are registered voters)