Po niemiecku to słabo, bo w szkole nauczycielka wyglądała jak duża Helga i opuszczałaem lekcje.
Ale po angielsku następne dowcipy,i w ten sposób uczymy sie nie tylko prostej wymowy ale tej dowcipnej;
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.
Stu said, "I didnt sleep with my wife before we got married, Did you?"
Leroy replied, "Im not sure, What was her maiden name?"
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A little boy went up to his father and asked:
Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"
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"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And Ive decided to give your wife $775 a week,"
"Thats very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then Ill try to send her a few bucks myself,"
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A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I dont like the looks of your wife at all.
"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But shes a great cook and really good with the kids.
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks,
"Can you tell me how long itll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute.."
"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
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Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun? What is a golf gun?"
"I dont know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
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This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants hes ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks,
"How do you get into those pants?"
The young woman looks him over and replies,
"Well, you could start by buying me a drink."
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Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."
Joe: "Really?"
Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didnt believe in hell."
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A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
"Im O. K. but I didnt like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"
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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husbands advice.
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "Youd never get it all in one!
